Popcorn is not healthy

Clearly I'm willing to tackle the real issues.

I see "health-conscious" people eating popcorn all the time. Weight Watchers even condones eating popcorn. I've got a newsflash for you people - even without the exorbitant amounts of butter and salt that make popcorn what it's supposed to be (delicious), it's not a healthy snack. For that matter, neither are rice cakes. I know what you're thinking, "Who is this guy who spits in the face of science?" Before you tie me to a boulder and toss me in the lake to see if I sink, thus rendering my teachings true, let me explain a few things to you about the process of digestion.

When you eat carbohydrates, your body turns them into glucose. Yep, since it ends in -ose, that means it's a sugar. So the more carbohydrates you eat, the more sugar your body gets. The more sugar being produced, the more insulin is released to move the sugar to storage (i.e., fat cells). After taking care of all the glucose, the insulin's still hanging around, desperate for more. In other words, you get a sugar craving. You may be able to withstand that craving, and kudos to you if so, but since you seem to think popcorn is healthy, you may also think it's fine to satisfy your sugar craving by sucking three pounds of melted chocolate through a pixie stick.

How do you curb the insulin overload? Eat foods that take longer to be turned into glucose. This is why a lot of health nuts protest white bread. It's been crushed and processed and the moment it hits your lips, it turns into sugar (not unlike the belief in transubstantiation...). Multi-grain breads and wheat breads are generally healthier because the carbs haven't been broken down yet. Popcorn and rice cakes have been purposely exploded. That means it's about as hard for your body to turn them into sugar as it is for Charlie Sheen to say something that doesn't make any sense.

So when you eat popcorn, it becomes insta-glucose. Which means a serious spike in insulin. Which not only makes you sleepy, it also strengthens the craving for food, specifically sugary foods. Popcorn is a gateway to eating more, especially more sugar.

Still sound healthy to you? I didn't think so.

Check out the glycemic index. Popcorn's ranked higher (worse for you) than SUGAR. That's comparing 2 cups of popcorn to a tablespoon of sugar. So if you sit down and eat a bag of microwave popcorn, it actually would have been healthier to pour yourself two tablespoons of sugar straight.